Should I schedule a mediation appointment before consulting with a lawyer?
No. Often people has the misconception that mediation will save them money over hiring two lawyers. That is not true. In fact, mediation can add significantly to the cost of your divorce if not planned properly as part of your negotiation plan. Mediation should be scheduled after you and your partner have narrowed down the issues to what is agreed and what is disputed. Taking only the disputed issues to a mediator will save you money, since because the mediator does not need to help you negotiate the issues which are resolved.
Can I schedule mediation if I can’t talk to my spouse?
Absolutely. Often communication has broken down between the parties. In that case, without the skill of the mediator, you will not know where you are failing or why, despite your willingness to communicate, your partner won’t. Being willing to communicate is not communication. Effective communication requires that both parties be willing and able to send information in a manner in which it can be received.
If I can’t talk to my spouse, will the mediator be able to?
Yes...and probably so will anyone other than you. It is not uncommon that anyone else can say the exact same thing you would to your partner and they will hear it, even though they will never hear it if you say it. There are many psychological reasons why this is true. Just trust that most skilled mediators will be able to handle your difficult spouse. Mediators are trained to assist parties in identifying issues including parenting style differences, creating options for long-term resolution and finding common ground.
Is Mediation an alternative for me?
Very likely. For most people, including many with impairments, mediation is a viable option for dispute resolution. The skill of the mediator will determine the likelihood of success with your particular situation.
Can the mediator act as my attorney?
Absolutely not. The mediator is not a substitute for your lawyer and there are ethical considerations why it is not in anyone’s interest to have the mediator be the attorney for either party. Most good mediators insist that both parties have at least a consulted with an attorney to familiarize themself with their best/worst case scenarios. As a neutral party, a mediator cannot give any professional advise, legal or therapeutic.
Can I reduce the cost of my divorce if I mediate?
Because you are paying for time, it will depend upon how much time it takes to mediate your matter. At a minimum, it is a conservative use of your family resources when you consider that for the same hourly rate, you are paying for one person instead of that hourly rate being paid to two lawyers to discuss your issues.
What is the cost of mediation?
The cost will vary depending upon the hourly rate of the mediator, often tied to the skill of the mediator and the number of hours spent in mediation. Because you are paying for time, it will depend upon how much time it takes to mediate your matter. Many jurisdictions have a reduced rate, mediation program. These are generally limited to custody and visitation matters. At best, when you calculate the same hourly rate for two lawyers versus the hourly rate you are paying for one person to discuss your issues, you will find it is a conservative use of your family resources
What can I expect if I come to mediation?
The mediation session may vary depending upon the mediator selected but generally you can expect that in a safe place, you will be able to discuss difficult matters, facilitated by a neutral person who can help guide your discussion. Although most mediators are experts in their field, they cannot give you legal advice. Most good mediators require that you are consulting with an attorney when you are mediating.
What should I do before I come to mediation?
Everyone who decides to mediate should have a serious consultation with their lawyer and be well-versed in their best and worst case scenarios. In addition, sharing their understanding of what the issues in dispute are as well as their suggestions for possible resolution helps make the time productive. If someone is seeing something for the first time at a mediation session, they have not had adequate opportunity to think about the issues and are not in a position to settle them.
What should I bring to the initial mediation session?
The most important thing to bring is the list of issues in dispute and your suggestions for possible resolution of those disputed issues. You should also bring any documents for consideration in mediation such as a parenting agreement. It is usually not necessary to send anything to the mediator in advance of the first session unless there is an agreement for payment for work the mediator does outside of the mediation session.
Who can I bring to the mediation session?
While often people want to bring children, grandparents or new spouses to a mediation session, unless both parties agree, the only people participating in the mediation are the parties. Even then, the mediator has the final say in whether anyone other than the parties can be present.
Useful Forms
Mediation Packet - Private Mediation
Mediation Packet- Court Ordered Mediation
Topics for Mediation
Comprehensive Financial Statement
 
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